"Politics is the ability to foretell what is going to happen tomorrow, next week, next month and next year. And to have the ability afterwards to explain why it didn't happen. "
By that standard, I would definitely be a politician and not a very good one this time around.
I could say I foretold various things that became popular. Various ideas and concepts that I championed became mainstream, that a year or two ago were considered "out-there" or extreme or impractical. I saw a lot of mole hills that became mountains. I was ahead of the curve in my realization and recognition of many topics and trends, some quite important.
But in regards to the goals I set, to the path I set our family on, to where I saw myself, well, things didn't go as planned.
There were no tragedies or disasters not even real set-backs so to speak, but I did feel like I hit the doldrums.
Last year we said, 'Things can't go on like this', and they didn't, they got worse.
"That's right I am going to kick my own ass hard in 2012" that's what I posted on my blog 01-04-2012
I didn't. Not by a long shot.
But I came up with all kinds of reasons and excuses as to why I didn't.
I used my "Jack-of-All-Trades" line more than a few times. My advancing years became the reason things may have been a little behind schedule.
As I looked back on my blog, I became embarrassed by how much dodging I did. At times I would walk the talk, but as many times as that may have been true, there were as many times that I didn't and I had formulated logic and understandable alibis.
I took people's advice on "rolling with the punches", "going with the flow" and "just being OK". All valid and healthy maxims.
So many ups and downs.
We got out from under tyranny of the commercial bank system. And yes it is exactly that, a tyranny , unless you can control the deck more, which I'm hoping to slide a few more cards from said deck to up my sleeve, so to speak.
I'm hoping and planning on not cutting off my nose to spite my face, really I am.
We traveled a bunch and spent more family time together than most families I know are able, after years of not being able.
Cindy saw the Grand Canyon for the first time and it brought out tears of wonderment.
We became nomads, which sounds better than homeless, but both are true and real descriptions of our current situation.
I finally went to Burning Man.
I should have gone before, or not.
I thought I would go with my LA compadres.
I camped with people I barely knew, from the South, a region I barely knew and I saw things differently, not in a mind-boggling, life-changing experience that the Burning Man ordeal is to so many.
I think it is that jadedness.
That comfort with what is, even when that "comfort" might be uncomfortable, that has brought me to the doldrums.
That and forgetting my uniqueness-es and some of that Don Quixote style that does me good and hurts me bad but again makes me me.
I need to Live.
I need to be bigger than life.
"But then they danced down the street like dingledodies, and I shambled after as I've been doing all my life after people who interest me, because the only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn, like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes ‘Awww!’ “
Jack Kerouac, On the Road
I need to be a dingledody.
Last year was about down-sizing.
It was a year that humbled and humiliated.
It was a year that didn't go as planned, not even close.
A year for introspection to the useless point of navel gazing.
A year of self-doubt.
So as we throttle toward 2013, I'm not going to talk about how I won't resolve to do the things I didn't last year. I'm not going to whine about how I have too many interests or how hard it is to get back in shape.
Next year will be a year of doing, of living up to my expectations not lowering them.
Next year the Phoenix rises, not starting in a couple of days, not starting tomorrow, starting now and going on and on into the new year and beyond. I know there will plenty of d own times and pitfalls and even some doldrums, but I will let myself win again and push myself again.
Happy New Years, a couple of days early.